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7:12 am

please excuse the fact that there is no entry for june 1st.... i was GOING to write one last night... but i needed to design this poster thing for rainbow club and by the time i finished that it was about midnight and due to certain reasons, i had to sleep downstairs last night (and for the rest of this week) and so my parents would know when i get to bed so if i did try and post an entry i'd be either a) dead or b) unable to finish it because my parents would come up and scream me off the computer. yup. so. here's the deal. i'm about to get going to school soon, so what i'll do is during free moments (studying/review/work periods) i'll write what i planned to write last night... and then when i get home i'll type it up and if need be, finish up. then later tonight i'll hopefully post a second entry - one for today. that is all. goodbye for now....

3:28 pm

okay, so i just got home a little while ago... didn't get a chance to write all that much at school.. but here we go...

Ah. So yesterday. Sunday. Lovely day. Let's see... I got up at 11-ish. Went to eat breakfast. My parents were moving my bunk bed into the other room - for the guy who moved in last night (he's renting a room). (Note: I met him last night and I think that Masa would like him.. think he's cute or something. he seems like a masa type guy. *shrugs*)..

So, then I vaccumed my room (mostly around the drums), just generally cleaned up, and then my parents brought up some furniture from the basement for sitting and such. Then I called Liz and talked to her for a bit. Then I took a shower. Then I went to buy some drumstix (got 2 pairs). Then I talked to Liz online and then she came over - I think it was around 4:30 (or a little later..maybe 5?).. So we hung out at my place till about 8:30...

It was really nice. She's so cute when she plays the drums - thing is, she barely plays them. She should loosen up on those things and make NOISE. (Note: this is all i wrote at school, so from here on in, i'm not just typing things up..carrying on.....)

lol and now i'm not typing anymore... damn. okay hold on.

ma znas sta...posto se bojim da cu biti manje otvorena ako znam da svi mogu ovo procitati, pisat cu na hrvatskom. bosanskom. sta god hoces da ga zoves.

jucer...sa njom... sve je bilo... kao iz sna... iz najboljeg sna... tako jednostavno. tako savrseno. osjecam sa kao da sa njom mogu samo sjediti i pricati bezkonacno... da bude uz mene i samo... samo da budemo zajedno... nemoramo nista ni govoriti. njena glava je bila oslonjena na mene (na moj stomak/nogu/struk..kako kad)... i ja sam se samo igrala sa njenom kosom... i bilo je tako... neopisljivo... u zivotu mi se nikad nije nista drugo osjecalo kao da sve treba da bude kako jeste kao sto se osjecalo u tim trenutcima... cijeli zivot bi mogla provesti sa njom.... i duze.

i netrazim nista vise... ozbiljno, sa ovim sam sretna. samo ako se stvari ovako nastave, ja sam potpuno zadovoljna. vise nekako ne osjecam da sam u zudnji... da zelim ovo i ono... sretna sam sa stvarima ovako kako stoje. nebi mi smetalo da krenu malo dalje... ali ovo je lijepo..

7:11PM

well, i took a little break... let's see where i left off...ah yes...to continue...

dok smo tako samo sjedile... jednom je rekla da se izvinjava sto nije uzbudljiva/zanimljiva. ali... da samo zna da ja to nebi mijenjala ni za sta... meni je bilo drago da mozemo samo tako mirno biti jedna sa drugom... osjecam se kao da je ona to sto sam cekala cijeli zivot.. uvijek, ili se meni netko svidja ali ih ne znam dovoljno dobro da bi to bilo ni blizu ljubavi..ili ih znam ali se meni jednostavno ne svidjaju... ili ako je cura... ne voli cure... uglavnom nikad nisam upoznala nekoga s kim sam se ovako dobro slagala s kim bih voljela biti.. koga mogu zavoljeti i s kim sam uvijek sretna...

ali..nemogu joj to reci... ko zna sta bi pomislila... mislila bi sigurno da ne znam sta govorim... da ne znam sta je ljubav... itd itd... jedino sto mi smeta je sto ona cesto govori kako ne zeli ljubav... kako je ljubav ovo ili ono (npr. da je ljubav sranje)... tako da se osjecam kao da moram skrivati moje emocije... i evo..to i radim. zato i nepisem na engleskom. nije da se bojim da ce netko drugi vidjeti...vec se bojim kako bi ona reagirala na to... to sto bi svatko mogao ovo procitati i jednostavno to sto ovdje pise...

ako zeli samo prijateljstvo...blisko prijateljstvo..ovako kako je sada... to meni ni malo nesmeta... to me pravi potpuno sretnom... a ako slucajno hoce i vise... zna sta ja hocu. cekat cu je koliko god treba.... cekala bih godinama... ali nemogu joj to reci. ne smije vidjeti koliko mi je stalo... iako zna da je volim..ne znam jel mi vjeruje... ali zna gdje ja stojim. ne 100%... ali dovoljno. da zna sve ovo, ja bih ispala ocajna...

anyway... um. that's enough babble about yesterday. i feel mean. nobody will understand the majority of this entry... oh well. i'll update again tonight (i hope) with an entry FOR today.... bye for now. i'm off to eat.

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