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So. guess who's back? Guess who just BARELY PASSED (if I did) her Calculus exam? Ugh.

Before I discuss this issue any further, allow me to make a to-do list. So, these are some things I must do before the 15th:

1. Study for CS exam !! (Note to self: DO NOT FUCKING NEGLECT THIS YOU STUPID MORON! DO YOU *WANT* TO KEEP HURTING YOURSELF LIKE THIS?!?!)
2. Go shopping (Note: Make another list, a shopping list, if you will)
3. See Liz.
4. See Stephen.
5. See Meli&Edi
6. Pack
7. See Hans.

Note that I've already seen Sid, hence that necessity has been met. Twas nice seeing her finally.

Now. The "shopping" list:

1. Steve's b-day present
2. Clothes (sis/me)
3. Weights
4. Books
5. Algebra text for next term (not urgent, can buy when I come back).

That's about it for my list... can I accomplish this? At all? Let's see.... I could perhaps go shopping for a thing or two today (like Steve's gift...maybe the weights)... and start easing into studying for CS. Hmm... maybe I could even take someone shopping WITH me and hence would see that someone (ie. Liz or Hans or something)... Then I could spend some more time studying tomorrow and see Steve. Thursday I could study some more and... go shopping for books? Perhaps. Hmm... maybe see if Liz is available for this.

So, according to this list, assuming I bring Hans with me today, and Liz w/ me on Thursday... I've done everything but go shopping for clothes and seeing Meli and Edi..oh and packing. And we can scratch #5 on the shopping list, I'll probably do that when I come back.

So. Friday and Saturday I'd COMPLETELY devote to CS. Sunday go shopping for clothes, and have Meli and Edi come over and help me pack. Monday, finish packing and flyyyyy away. *sighs* so damn busy.

Now, since I seemingly have no time to waste, where should I start?

First off... back to the topic of Calculus... Yesterday, I started studying for it. But. I could not focus. At all. It's like I work on it, but I'll get distracted... either just mentally, or I'll just give in and go on the computer... or SOMETHING. I studied for about half an hour, but from that I retained about ZERO knowledge. I was *going* to study more in bed after my dad came home and went to bed (around 12:30)... but I just could NOT bring myself to do it. The books were right there... there was nothing to distract me... but I could not do it. I just laid there... thinking... and thinking... until, at around 3 or so... I think I finally dozed off. Then at 7, I woke up to get ready and stuff... and at 8:15 we were off.

I got there at about 8:35... studied for about 15 minutes then... actually did remember some of the info... and that was that. Time to write.

Needless to say, I wasn't prepared. I mean... I'd write it, and I'd read the question and for half of the stuff I'd go "shit, I remember this..I've gotta remember this. Dammit, I can't remember it" ...meaning, had I reviewed the damn material, I *would* have remembered it. It would have been pretty easy, since, about half I remembered... the other half, not so much. So, yeah... most, if not all, of the exam would have been quite easy had I just gone over everything. Even if I just refreshed my memory of all the definitions and stuff like that... For instance, I remember sitting in class, thinking "oh, this big-O stuff is fairly simple"... I also remember sitting at the exam thinking "what the hell is big-O again??" Little things like that, sure would've helped.

The only thing I might have had a slight issue with if I *had* reviewed shit is time. I didn't really waste TOO much time with shit I didn't know, and it still took me the full 3 hours to do it all... I even didn't get to finish the last question...

Okay, get this, I could not even STATE THE DEFINITION OF A LIMIT OF A FUNCTION. I just remembered it had something to do w/ epsillon and delta, but I couldn't quite remember what it was precisely. This wouldn't be such a big issue, if the very next question didn't say "using the definition above, prove that the limit of bla is bla"... I *hope* my definition was right, because I managed to prove it alright. If I did that right, I might actually score in the high 50s as opposed to low...

Hm...why don't I go and check that definition now. BRB. Okay. Def'n was out of 3. I'll get 1. Maybe 1.5 if they're feeling reasonable. As for the proof, I'll probably lose a mark. Out of... I think 4.

See, the def'n said if for EVERY epsillon > 0 there exists a delta > 0... I merely said if there exists an epsillon > 0 and a delta > 0... so, there goes a mark. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't quite remember the wording.. the other place I'll lose a mark is for saying |x-a|

Now... which question was that... and how many marks had I PREDICTED I'd lose? It was probably one of the ones where I estimated 5-6 marks lost. and it was out of 9 I think. Being that I'll lose 3 for the last part for..not doing it, lol, and 3 more as mentioned above..yup, that's 6. Yay, I can estimate. LoL. I wish I couldn't... I mean, I wish I'd underestimate.... so that my prediction of a "50-55%" really is like a 65... although that's definitely impossible if you just look at the places I'm DEFINITELY losing marks and not just "possibly"...

I'm really curious about my Algebra exam mark.. if I found out, I still wouldn't tell my 'rents.. just cuz I don't want them to know any of my marks until they're online... ie. Dec.22... ie. I'm far far away. LoL. Less scary that way when I have to go "uhh... I *almost* passed that Calculus... and I did a little worse than expected on Algebra... and a little worse than expected on Phil.. and a little.." yeah lol. You get the point.

Oh, oh, there's ONE course I know is decent: PSYCH... it'll be either 80.5 or 81 (not sure how they round and stuff)... Philosophy I'm really expecting around there too... I mean... out of the 5 essays... being that they're worth an equal amount... I'd expect like this: 7/10 on the first. 8/10 on the second. 9/10 on the third. 6/10 on the fourth. and 9/10 on the fifth. So... overall, 39/50, or 78%. And this isn't one where I think I'll really have to WORRY about it being much lower than that... because... the 8/10 and 9/10 ones (especially the latter) I think were great, if I do say so myself. =P I mean, I'd even go as far as to say that one (maybe both) of the ones I predicted 9/10 on could be 10/10. I wonder if I could go and see it sometime before I go... see if he's marked them, and if so, how I did on each individual section... I'm more interested in that than just the overall mark I recieved on the thing as a whole. I mean... let's say I *do* get 78% as predicted, but I don't see how I did on each individual section... I'd think my estimates were accurate, but really, it might just be that i got like 3/10 on one... and then near perfect or perfect on most of the others. Which would be an interesting thing, but I'd like to know. So yes..

Anyway... MAN. I wish I wasn't the way I am.... Look. I had what, three days to prepare for Calculus... and I didn't. Now, that it's over... I wanna figure out all the stuff. I mean, that's all nice and good, but WHY THE FUCK DIDN"T I FEEL LIKE FIGURING IT ALL OUT WHEN IT COUNTED?!?!?!?!

God. I'm such a fucking moron. I know what it is. I need to stop "studying"... Okay, before you give me that confused look, let me explain. All this time, I'd grab my books to study and prepare for the exam... there was one purpose to my doing that and that was success on the exams. Now. Say if I had merely come to it with this attitude: Well. The term is over. I need all this knowledge for the future, so let's just go over all the big concepts we've covered and make sure I know and understand it. Then it'd be me learning/reviewing for the sake of knowledge and such. THEN I'd stay motivated.

And it works. Because... as this thought initially entered my head as I was typing this entry (back when I went to look up that Calc. def'n), I imagined approaching CS this way too... and it definitely worked. I mean... I feel like I can jump in... it's because I don't have to "start" at this point, and then go to the next, and the next, trying to "study". Instead, I just go exploring the topics. Yay, fun! LoL, no really... I mean, come on. If I *want* to do Calculus now... now that it's done and I realise that I don't remember half the shit, but I want to... then yeah, I wanna do Calculus. If I just act that way towards CS - just realise that I don't remember half the shit, and hence I'll want to remember it... then I'll actually be inclined to do it. And when I do, I'll be able to well... achieve what I wanted, and do well on the exam. It'll be like "booyah! this rocks! i feel so goooood!" instead of like "FUCKING MORON! NOW THAT IT"S ALL OVER I CARE??? WHY COULDN"T I CARE WHEN IT INFLUENCED MY GODDAMN MARK???"

So yes. Yay, now I'll be able to study for CS more effectively I hope. If I don't find this working too too well, I'll try and hunt someone down (namely Andrew or Diana or Devin) and get them to study with me. I mean... they need to study. I need to study. So we can study together. Mind you, both Devin and Andrew also have Physics on friday, and Andrew also has Philosophy on Friday. So, I don't know how much time they'd have... But that's why I'll use the extra time I have to see how well alone-studying is going now that I have this "new approach" if you will.

Oh, and you know what else was interesting? When I walked over to a table to sit down for the exam today... I saw Devin. Then Diana. So, both of my CS partners. Then, I see Stef. Behind her, Andrew. I call Andrew, he comes over... Then I guess Stef turned back around or something and noticed me, said hi. Then Vlado walked in. So, a bunch of GRCI-folk. Then, the hottie Steph (Diana's roomate) walks by. It's like... DAYUM. I'm seeing all these... people. LoL.

Oh. And I officially hate the PAC gym now. It gave me a bad feeling cuz of the Algebra exam... now even worse for this one.

CS is also there... eep. That better not stigmatize it.

Anyhoo. Yes. Uhh. I think I've babbled enough. I'm thinking I'll go study CS soon-ish.. before 4. It's 3:10 now... then at like 6:30 or so, I'll head over to the mall... see if Hans is busy and if not, ask him to come.

Off I go now...

PS. I could really use a haircut... but... I guess that'll have to wait till I'm in Bosnia. They're cheaper there anyway... Now I really go.

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